Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
