i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
