It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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