Nicole vs. Life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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