I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
