we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
