Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
