By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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