He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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