Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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