I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
