If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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