I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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