is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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