not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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