I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
