The maid of honor just puked.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
