no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
