I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
