Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
