We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
