I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
