i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
