its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
