I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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