If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
