thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
