I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
