i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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