Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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