Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
