You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
