She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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