Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
