So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
