I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
