Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
