So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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