i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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