I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
