No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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