Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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