and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
