If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
