frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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