I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
