So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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