that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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