My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
