My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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