And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
