dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
