i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
