i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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