Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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