Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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