we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
