And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
