There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
