I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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