Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
