This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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