Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
