A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
