It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
