Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
