Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize