He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
