just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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