Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
