I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
