first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
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Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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