she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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